To teach love is to mend her heart by day and shatter her world by night. 

Lost Clarity


Sabrina D. Shaw

Disclaimer: Characters are owned by Warner Bros. This is a Michael and Nikita Fan-Fiction and I seek no profits.


Chapter One

The sun is dipping below the horizon by the time Nikita returns to the safe house on the beach. She struggles against the wind as a strong gust rushes past and almost knocks her sideways and right off the steps. It is the most foreboding, negative energy, to say the least. But one which she has to force herself to ignore. Her mind was already racing with so many thoughts that she feels nauseous. How has it all come down to this?

The phone call with Percy was devastating. He had offered Nikita a chance to escape with Michael; live the life they always wanted. But he had plutonium, enough for a warhead, and Nikita had no idea what he planned to do with it. She had no choice, she had to go after him again. Even if it meant risking a life with the man she loved.

Finally making her way inside she’s surprised to find Michael sleeping soundly on the sofa. Since she has known him, he has never slept much, even at night. Neither of them ever did, really. It was just one part of what made them so compatible. However Nikita is worried that Michael did not wake up when she walked into the safe house. It was leading her to think only the worst, that the mental and physical stress he has endured for so very long is finally beginning to take its toll.

Nikita makes a closer check of Michael but resists the urge to wake him. Instead she quietly makes her way to a computer nearby, her heart still very heavy with concern..

As she settles in to work she becomes all too aware of how disturbingly silent the safe house is. The only sounds are the distant waves crashing against the beach outside and wind gusts slapping up against the side of house.

Earlier that evening, Alex and Birkhoff had decided to move to a temporary base camp at one of Alex’s overseas apartments, insisting that Michael and Nikita needed privacy. Nikita wasn’t about to argue and she would be lying if she didn’t admit that the thought of the two of them, alone, in the safe house, aroused her soul.

Shivering, she pulls her wrap tighter around her body and continues to run queries through Shadownet. Despite her efforts to focus on the task at hand her mind begins to replay everything that has happened between her and Michael over the last several months.

The appearance of Cassandra and Max changed everything. Michael, desperate for a family, had one practically dropped in his lap. It was the family he very much deserved and something that was impossible for Nikita to give him while they fought to bring down Division. They were two people so torn apart but so profoundly in love.

Even through the distant glances, the longing to be together, they still had to work as partners on missions. Through it all, Nikita battled a deep belief that Michael no longer wanted a life with her. It broke her heart but she loved him too much to let him go. He in turn simply waited everything out, hoping that a solution to their problems would also drop its way into his lap.  It finally did but it was encased by indescribable loss and they both almost lost their lives in the process.

Still, it wasn’t until after they were both chained down, beaten and tortured that they would begin the emotional journey back to each other. It was this terrifying experience that led to the moment where it felt as if everything was going to be okay. For these few beautiful moments there was such clarity in their future.

But Sonya dispatched another wire to Birkhoff requesting Nikita contact Percy personally.  Instantly, without thinking, Nikita blew a future with the man she loved right out of the water.  In just an instant, the clarity they had fought through hell to achieve once again felt lost forever.